Pulling

Today I was present at home. What that means practically is that my computer is off and I am focused on the now. I’ve decided that I would dedicate my time to being completly present. I read a piece about honoring work hours and not going above the 8 hours of work everday. Today was an experiment on just that. I worked really hard not to distract myself at work and focus on accomplishing as much as I could in the 40 hours of work I do every week. The rest of the hours would be about building meaningful relationships. I went to the gym and took care of my body first. Then I came home and I thought about all the random things I had to do tomorrow. My first instinct of course was go open my computer and just work on the things I had to do and it was so tough. Instead I took an index card and wrote things down to be done tomorrow. I played with my nephew instead. For me, the rupture of his laughter woke me up. How could a simple toy elicit so much utter joy in a child? I pressed on and enjoyed his laughter. I realized I have been so emotionally withdrawn from my family. All of the mourning and joy that i had not allowed myself to do had been hidden inside of me. I needed to heal most of all and I feel I’m off to a good start.

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