Maybe its the time of the month again. But today I felt like ravaging everyone.Tearing everyone to bits with my contempt. Most of all I felt alone.
Today I was upset at my mom because I knew that she was not paying attention to me. I wonder was she always like this and I’ve never paid attention? Anyway, I distract myself with things to avoid talking to her. It breaks my heart but I don’t want to talk to her. I feel like im talking to a wall and words bounce back cuz they never go through to her. I can always predict her emotions all the time. I expect her paranoia at things like me staying out late. I detest her overprotection and obsessiveness… I wonder if she needs medication and maybe she’s gone nuts from all the trauma of the last year… But I don’t want to deal with it…
I’m also angry at my sister and the fact that she’s an embodiment of a statistic. I am angry at myself mostly cuz I see her spiraling into things and I cant stop her. There is the miseducation, the dropping out of college, the lack of self esteem, la intimidation of the “systems” she can’t understand, her own fucking laziness. Today she comes out of nowhere and wants my fucking social security to collect food stamps.
What the hell! How can you do that? You got your limbs your a healthy woman…why do you act like you cannot work.
Now the pundits will say that she is a just one of the reasons why welfare needs to be abolished. But you know some women honestly need it. Women who are in transition from abusive relationships, etc….My sister just needs to find her place in this world. She needs to be weaned out of her overdependency, particularly of my parents. She needs to see a shrink and get out of her fucking trance. Only then will she feel liberated and self empowered