I am feeling sad again. Today I cleaned up my grandfather in the hospital as if he was a baby. He twisted in pain both physical and emotional. One does not imagine such things to happen. At least i wasnt expecting it. He cannot speak and he barely recognizes us. He wakes up in and out of his own darkness. My mother observes him all day. I push her to think about her life and herself. As a last resort I ask her to think about the family. Most days she is alone. Yesterday she confided in me that she cries when she eats alone.